The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
did i walk over a car last night?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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