It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
