I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
