did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
