Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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