i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
