I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
