I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
