no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
