if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Randomize
