ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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