I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
