I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
