can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I don't deserve a penis
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
