If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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