I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
