Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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