does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
