he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
