my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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