Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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