I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
