I think my fart just growled at me.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
