I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
