Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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