My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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