i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
