That's intense
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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