Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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