It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
