everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
