i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
