It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
