Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
