this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
