I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
