so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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