Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
