Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
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