if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
