Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Randomize
