If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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