Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I touched a dick in church today
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
