I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
as a side note pls kill me
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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