It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I need to align my fucking chakras
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
