I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
