How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
