So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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