He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
