you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
its liver damage thursday
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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